Spirit Quest Journeys

What is a fair exchange of energy? In the metaphysical world, we hear this term used a lot, but it applies to every aspect of life - relationships, love, career, money, etc. No matter the application, there needs to be a balance. When the situation becomes unbalanced, it leads to disharmony and hurt feelings and damaged relationships. I want to take a look at this in more detail in each area of our life.

Fair exchange of energy in regards to relationships...Have you ever had that friend that you just felt drained after being around them? You love the idea of being their friend and remember the good times you've had with them, but ultimately, you start to dread being around them because they just suck the life right out of you. This is NOT a fair exchange of energy. In any relationship, there will be times when one is filling the supportive role while the other person spirals, but there will come a day when these roles will reverse themselves. This is the natural progression of a relationship - it's cyclical. When this cycle stops and there's only one person in the relationship feeling supported and nurtured for a long period of time, the balance is off and, if the person doing all the giving stands in his or her power, the relationship will either have to shift back into balance or it will need to come to an end. Friendships and relationships should lift each person up and raise their mood, their vibration, their outlook on life.

The segues into fair exchange of energy within a love relationship. It's been said that there is always someone within a relationship that loves the other person more. I'm not sure that I believe that wholly, but I do know that, just like in the above friendship example, there has to be a balance of giving and receiving within the relationship. If one partner is always on the receiving side, it will lead to feelings of resentment and anger and sadness for the other partner - expressed or hidden. Either way, it will have a detrimental effect on the partnership and could ultimately lead to separation or worse - the lifelong misery of staying in a relationship that constantly drains your energy and traumatizes your psyche and your soul.

Even within our relationships with our children, there comes a time that they have to learn to maintain the fair exchange of energy. It doesn't have to come in the form of money or doing chores, but it does need to come in the form of contributing to the family unit, expressing appreciation (when appreciation is due), of supporting those around them as much as can be expected at the developmental age of the child. Parent/child relationships can be damaged in multiple ways with regards to the fair exchange of energy. One is when the parent feels unappreciated and used by the child when the child grows older. Another is when the child is expected to pick up more than they are developmentally capable of doing within the relationship. The roles become reversed and unbalanced.

It's much easier to see how fair exchange of energy applies within a career or job. I spend energy working for you; you pay me a fair wage for that work. Easy. And when either party feels they are being taken advantage of within the work relationship, one party either gets fired, quits, or stays miserable and unrewarded and unappreciated within that job. It's up to you to stand in your power and say, "I'm worth it! and here's why..." An example of this is a family member has been asked during interviews why he's had so many jobs. His response is that he stays on the bleeding edge of growth and development within companies (because that's what excites him and how he receives energy from the job relationship). Every time he has left a company, it has resulted in a significant pay increase because he sees the worth he brings to a company and that company, in return, agrees that it is a fair exchange of energy. He now has the reputation of "he's great at what he does and he's expensive, but he's worth it." Isn't that what we should all strive for with a job? You are rewarded well for work that feeds your soul and excites you.

A much trickier exchange of energy is for payment for services - especially those involving self care such as getting massages or other body work, getting your hair styled and colored, energy healing, psychic work and other metaphysical modalities, retreats, etc...So much of the value placed on these services reflects the person's view of their own self worth. We start hitting on people's core beliefs. When we advertise or post on social media regarding metaphysical services or retreats, if we receive negative comments, 95% will be about how if we were the real deal, we wouldn't charge for our services and the other 5% is that we are fake, charlatans just trying to prey on those who are desperate. Both of these are so far from the truth and what the Universe promises us, but many have been trained by the metaphysical practitioners themselves. So many practitioners and others that are involved in the metaphysical and spiritual realms carry the very heavy core belief of the poverty mindset. They feel it's their calling and their duty to save every person they can at all costs. While they absolutely need to honor their gifts and abilities and help others heal themselves, they also forgot the part of the fair exchange of energy. The poverty mindset comes from a time period when healers were provided for by the community or the church so all their needs for food, shelter and clothing were taken care of so they could dedicate their time. We don't live in that kind of world anymore, so practitioners try to do their work and support themselves at the same time.

We have seen over and over again in our work that people only value what you have to offer them if they are vested in some way - money, time, work, fair exchange of energy. If they have no skin in the game, it's not a priority because it's not worth it and they don't value it. How are we supposed to be able to help others heal and to grow and to empower them if we don't get paid - if there's not a fair exchange of energy? This doesn't just have to come in the form of money. It can be services traded, a healing session traded for a different healing session, help in producing an event, help in planning or setting up and cleaning up...anything that is a FAIR exchange of energy.

Here's another example of how this presents itself in daily life. I have a friend who is an LMT. She had not gone up on her rates in 5 years. That's 5 years without a cost of living raise. She decided to raise her rates $10 a session. She dreaded doing it because she knew the backlash she was going to get from some of her clients. And, indeed, she did. She had some say how they didn't think they could continue going to her. Others cut back on the number of times they came per month. These same clients are the ones who didn't think twice about dropping thousands of dollars for a vacation and drove luxury vehicles. The point is that they did not value her and the services she provided which had slowly caused an imbalance in the client/provider relationship. Another example is a hair stylist who raised her prices by $1. One whole dollar. The reactions of some of her clients was as if she was asking them for their home in exchange for a haircut. Again, most from people who could well afford it, but just didn't value her. Why you ask? Perhaps because she didn't value herself. When you don't value yourself, others pick up on your vibration and continue that same lack of value.

When we stand in the power of who we are and declare we are, indeed, worth every penny of what we say we are, there will be fallout. Some may be because the other person is so used to taking without giving, they can't stand the shift. Others may just not agree that we are worth it and that's okay also. That is their truth and for this fair exchange of energy argument to be valid, it can't be one-sided - it has to be that fair exchange where both sides feel fulfilled and balanced. Either way, you have to feel good about what you are offering or receiving in exchange for a currency. When we start feeling taken advantage of, in whatever setting, discord and imbalance will present itself and demand to be noticed.

Ultimately, if you are being drained...if you are working hundreds of hours towards something without pay...if you are so worried about how to pay bills or to survive the month, how can you possibly continue to help others grow and learn and shift when you are stuck in that root chakra, survival mode? The answer is...you can't. Honor yourself and honor others. My daughter is an artist - photographer and singer/songwriter. We went to an art showing and she found some pieces she loved that she could afford, but would put a serious dent in her savings. She was wavering between her love for a piece versus the price. I asked her, as an artist, would you want someone to place value in what you do, in what you pour your heart and energy into? Her answer was yes and she bought the art and hung it prominently in her room. You honor those that fill you up. You honor those who support you. You honor yourself for being present and helping others. But you must honor and love and value yourself before you can truly honor and love and value others or they can honor you. Fair exchange of energy...balance.

1 comment:

  1. Yes we have to give up our co-dependent tendencies. I define co-dependency as coming from a background of having been morally trained to be the caregiver, the one who carries the most responsibility for giving to others in the family and the culture. We are not "selfish" when we want mutuality. Some form of giving to each other and no longer a world of designated giver and entitles takers. People take a free ride when they can--not because they are "bad" but because they can get it--why not if we keep enabling them?